First off, I want to say that I feel so blessed to have such a supportive group of Facebook friends. I go back and forth on whether I like the effects technology has played in our ability or inability to really communicate with people. I love that I am able to keep in touch with friends from all my various paths in life. I sometimes wonder, though, about the disconnection we also feel with the involvement of technology. We can make our life look however we want it to on here and whether or not that is the way your life is becomes irrelevant. The story of who you are or were at any given moment is recorded and as time passes that becomes the truth, wrong or right. Then it can feel at times like a competition for who has the best life on Facebook. Who takes the best photos? Who goes to the best places? Who says the funniest comments and gets the most likes? Who shares the most relevant articles and gets the best comment threads? It can be exhausting keeping up with the image of yourself you create on social media. And then it can feel like even though you have all of these "friends" none of them really know what you are going through. And it's not because they don't want to, they just don't have an opportunity to. It wasn't until I started writing this blog that I started to really value social media for what it is best at. Instead of disguising my experiences with an upbeat positive example of who I wish I was, I started sharing how I really am. I didn't even realize how great that was until I started becoming actual friends with some new people through this. I've reconnected on a real level, beyond just liking their vacation photos, with people I haven't spoken to in years. I found other blogs of women going through infertility and truly felt a combination of hope and sadness for being part of such a large group of women. All of these experiences have been intensely real. And as someone who does fear the disconnected technological world of lies and truths that my eventual child will grow up in, I am comforted to know that there is a way to keep a story true and honest.
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| Matching hats and face masks are all the rage these days! |
On to the news. There is not much to tell at this moment. We did have our transfer yesterday and all but one of our embryos were doing well. We had one, however, that was exceptionally awesome. It was graded a 5AA which pretty much means that as far as a blastocyst goes, it was in the best shape possible. So, that was the one that we had implanted. I was a little distressed when I arrived because my doctor had told me that he would be doing the procedure himself but when we got there it was someone else. In fact, it was a doctor I had never had before. This makes person number 15, who is not my husband, who has been up close and personal in my lady business this year. Yeah, I get more action now then I did during my 20's. Anyway, the transfer is sort of a delicate process. The embryo has to be set in just the right spot so as not to hit the back wall of the uterus or be damaged in the process. I am pretty sure my vagina has some sort of U turn or mountain top in it that always seems to confuse new doctors when they get in there. There is this moment when they seem to think everything is going well and then things start to hurt and I hear, "Hmmm...." Early on in the process, I underwent this procedure called an HSG which is supposed to be fairly simple. They inject dye into the uterus under X-ray in order to make sure the fallopian tubes are open. The doctor in this case had to call in another doctor to help. So I got to experience this really awesome hour of my life where I was spread eagle on a table while three people stared in amazement at one doctor who decided that force was probably the best option. It was entirely unpleasant. I was sore for days and even my own doctor apologized for what had happened. For some reason, he doesn't seem to experience the same confusion. Every time he does a procedure, he just gets it done without the drama. That's why I really wanted this procedure to be with him. So, when this new doctor walked up to me in the prep room, I prepped him with all the various terms I had heard all the different doctors use over the past 9 months. I let him know that it could be a difficult path so he should just be patient with it. I don't know if it was the valium they gave me or what, but I was pretty proud of myself for speaking up. When he reached that moment, he too had problems but did his best to get past it with minimal pain and long story short, he got through. I know I am getting graphic but the process of baby making in labs and hospitals is graphic. It's not as fun as the other way some people claim babies are made even though I have not found that to be true. All in all, this was a pretty easy procedure. The only part that is pretty uncomfortable beyond the usual is that you have to have a full bladder when they do it and they press on your belly the entire time so there is a minor fear of peeing on your doctor's face. I didn't do that, though. Big win for all involved.
After the procedure he told me that our embryo was the best looking one he had seen all week. I told him that I bet he said that to all the infertile ladies but in reality I felt a strong sense of pride in my little over achieving embryo. Maks calls him Alpha as he is the strongest of our group of embryos. Our other embryos were frozen and will be kept safe until we need them which will hopefully not be for a while if this one takes. I think we have a good chance. I certainly hope we do. And we have 4 more embryos to use if we encounter any future problems. They didn't necessarily recommend that I lay down for the rest of the day yesterday but they did recommend taking it extremely easy for a couple of days and I took that to mean binge watch a television show and make the hubs make dinner. I feel a little nauseous and the progesterone shots I take make me tired all the time anyway so taking it easy isn't that far removed from how I want to be.
So, at this point we just wait. In two weeks I will know one way or the other. I really wish they could tell sooner, though. Two weeks is practically and infinite eternity. We will get through it, though. Thank you again for your support, love and prayers. Maks, Alpha and I thank you for it;-).
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First family photo!!! That's our little A+ embryo.
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